What does it all mean?

Have I become hardened? I wonder about that at times. After all the crap my husband and I have been through these past couple of years with young teenagers and adult children I have done a lot of thinking. There are a couple of things I know for sure. I have put my life on hold because of them. I guess thats what a good parent does. Once you have children your needs and pretty much your life come second to theirs. I have been a good parent ..maybe too good. With all that has happened with G these past few weeks or months I have done a lot of soul searching. What could I have done differently? I have come to to the final conclusion that there was nothing I could have done differently ..... absoulutly nothing. You see after I got my degree years ago I had planned on going to medical school. Well right after I graduated my ex husband and I decided we wearn't happy with each other and a divorce was eminate. Medical school was put aside because now I had to support my two children at the time. They were in private school and I wasnt about to upheaveal their lives because mine was. I cracked my butt as a single parent to keep them there. I gave them the best tutors when they needed it. I did without to give them what they needed and maybe over compensated at times because of the guilt of the divorce. My ex husband was a jerk and getting child support from him was a battle. He never gave me a penney more for anything. I pretty much did it all as a single mother. Yes it was hard. But that is what I chose to do for my children and I never regretted it at all. The problem I have had with it all is that I put medical school on the back burner hopeing one day I would be able to go but never really knowing if and when that would happen. I guess what I am trying to say or type is that I am angry because all I wanted to do was say I was pround of one of my kids for their acomplishments. My children and stepchildren are adults and they seem to be in this endless stuff of blame and 'Life is hard bullshit. Yep life is hard and its not fair but you go on everyday and deal with it. They are all into this thing of my husband and I dishing out cash to them to bail them out of whenever they put themselves in the hole with . None of the four oldest can stay at a job for more than a few weeks or months. One is involved with getting high everyday. One has a baby that seems to try to make the baby everyone elses problem. We have had to be tough with all four of the oldest. I have cut off everyone asking me for money. The answer is just "NO". I wont babysit because it turns into being talked about and being used all the time. G is leaving in the morning and moving with his dad. I gave him another day only because I thought this family meant something to him. He was suppose to go to N's (12 year son) basketball game. Instead he went to hang with his friends. It was a championship game and N was excited and disappointed because G didnt come. W's daughter C is playing games with him again involving his son S. S graduated on Saturday and my husband and I didnt go. All S had to do was apoligize for lying to us and using drugs almost making my husband lose his job. Nope nothing from the kid. He is so involved with drugs that we dont even know who he is anymore. All W's family(mother and sister) have become enablers to his son. They try to make W feel bad about not going to the graduation. They even threw the kid a party that we did not attend. How can W when this kid hurts him over and over and over. It cost W transfering to the Big Island. It cost W his reputation. The police department there doesnt want W because they feel he is a liability. My husband will have to stay here on this island for another 11 years until her retires. His son is a liar but I guess what can you expect from a person who chooses drugs over their own father. Not even an apoligy. My daughter the oldest one C is the impounded vehicle queen. She just called me for the 5th time in 1 year that her car got towed and impounded and now its going to cost $900. When did being careless with getting a car towed become my problem? Nope she needs to figure it out. I am 45 years old. I have never had my car towed and only got 1 ticket in my life. I will help people who help themselves but I can no longer take any more from these kids. Its my time to concentrate on the youngest three W, N and A. Its time to study to get into medical school. Am I selfish? I guess I am. I am tired of getting used. They are welcome to visit us for holidays but they need to leave. One thing for sure I want none of them living with us anymore. I just wish one of them would have stayed in college or decided to work hard for something and made us proud. I just want to know that all that W and I sacrificed mattered to them and meant something. Right now it just seems that it only matters to us and I suppose that has to be enough.