What would you do?

I hate those Tramadol pills I need to take for my knee. They sometimes make me think too much about real life stuff. For several months I have been feeling like I am stuck. I have cried and talked to him but he just sits there. Says he is sorry and that he loves me but it just is not enough for me. I feel not like a wife but a roomate who pays the bills, transports kids to here and there, runs errands. Everything that is expected but nothing else. I can no longer cry I just am angry. So like Dr. Phil says you have to earn your way out of a marriage. You have to do everything you can to say you tried. I have tried and tried and tried. I am calling a marriage therepist in the morning. He has no idea that is what I am doing. Its the last straw for me. If I could just put a finger on it. Is it someone else? Has there been someone else? I cant see where or when he would have the time but maybe.... For the longest time I thought it was me. I know its not. I am pretty great. I am angry all the time now because of this. All the time. He will buy me flowers on birthdays, mothers day and anniversaries. He will tell me he loves me everyday before he goes to work. I no longer believe him. He kisses me when he comes home. You know those peck kind of kisses. He never tells me how great I look or how beautiful of a home I make for him. How well I did something. How can you say you love someone when everyday you resign yourself to a couch in the living room and watch t.v until you fall asleep. I forgot what is like to kiss him. I dont remember the last time ... well you know. He dresses nice to go to work. He is more concerned how he looks than anything else. Sometimes I want to scream but I cant. I cant cry yet I feel like I am crying rivers inside of me. I want to run to a place that is only for me. In my heart I know he is here for the kids but really he is never there for me. Why wont he just tell me the truth if there is something to tell. I will take anything right now. I just want and need an answer. Not another I love you and sorry. Sorry for what? For not being a husband to me or sorry for something else? I need to run. I am afraid I will end up running to someone...anyone.. no one I know now... just someone. I am sooooo tired. Its been months and months of this. Everything takes priority over this in his life which he makes it take over this in mine. The stuff with G. The stuff with his son S. The stuff with his daughter C. The stuff with his mother, sister, work. Anything but dealing with me.