October 26th ..I cried, I slept and cried somemore

An other sucky day. I got up this morning and was wondering where Giovanni was at. I felt he would call today but just didnt know when that would be. I took Alex and Wally to school and forgot my cell phone at home. I walk in the door after taking the kids to school and Walt was taking a shower and I look at the phone. No messages , no cell phone messages. Ah Good. Then Walt tells me.. Giovanni called and said he made it to Chicago and is on his way to his next destination and he had to go. I asked Walt did he talk to him ..he said no ..that Giovanni left a message by the time Walt answered the phone he hung up. Wheres the message I ask. Oh he erased it. I was so mad. Does he not see me crying. Does he not see me hurting. I just wanted to hear his voice and make sure he was okay. I swear I have been married 10 years and I just dont know this man anymore. I talked to my friend Shelly and she just has the way of talking to me to make me see the light and feel better about a crappy situation. She told me its in God hands and pray alot. I know but it's really hard. I went online to MilitaryMoms.net but have to wait until they give me access to thier forums. I read some of the stuff they had on there and it did help. I guess its the unknowing that is driving me crazy. I know it will make him grow up and do the right things I HOPE!!! I just feel so lost right now. I have other children that I need to be absorbed in. My headache is back. I havent taken any meds in a couple of days but I think I need to now. I just want to have fun again and be my witty sarcastic self again. Hey the good thing about all this is I havent been eating and am losing weight. Maybe its not the good way or right way but I just dont have an appetite. Walt will be off the next 3 days. I like being by myself and suffering in my own misery right now. He will make me get up and start doing crap. Our Lionhead beta fish died yesterday too . We have a large tank and he got huge. Isnt that fitting. I had a dream of him dying and he died. We had him as a baby and he just grew and grew. It was fun watching him grow. Well I have to go and walk the dog. Walts dog. I cant wait to move to the Big island already. Let him walk his own dog.