October 9th Sunday/ The last pigout ..the very last

So I have decided that today is the last day to eat what I wanted and start tomorrow on my journey onto working out. This is what I have figured out in the very last few weeks. I eat to fill up because there is something big missing from my life. I used to think it was love. Its may have been once but its not that now. I find at times I am spending money on stupid things I dont need or want just to have thinking that those things will make me happy. Nope they dont. I find myself spending money on resturants or on food things because I heard it was good or some new hip thing because it was the thing to do and finding it sits on my shelf for years until I throw it away. I have been on the newest pill,diet,food fad or latest diet book thinking if I bought it I would lose the weight. Nope it never happened. This is what I learned. I have found I have never liked myself for years. I was never a mean person or malicious person but would I ever want to really be a friend of mine? The answer was no. I would help you or anyone if they asked but I would never go out of my way. There would always be so many to help so why bother in helping anyone. You should help yourself first then help anyone and everyone else later. This is all wrong. Help everyone weather they ask or not. Help until you cant ask enough. Help until there is nothing left of you left.. until you are too exhausted and then help somemore. Dont ever expect anything in return. If you lend money dont ever expect it back. Dont ever remind anyone of what you gave. Give it from the heart not the pocketbook. It is between you and God what you have done. So now I get it. It took me a while but now I get it. Anyhow I have been eating for years like I was going into a famine soon afraid there would be nothing left because I needed to fill up. In reality I could never fill up. I just was getting wider and wider. Its a battle I have been having for the last several years. I know I need to be a better person. I know I need to start taking better care of myself and most of all I know I need to like myself enough to be a friend to myself. So here I go. Yes today I would be a friend to myself for the first time in my life. I like myself today and am a friend to myself and would do anything for anyone including myself. So all I have to do is ask. Linda ... Today make this the best day of your life and take care of you today and tomorrow and the next .. it may the only days you ever have to do it. Remember this and live it.