I wish life came with a handbook

Damn being a parent is hard. You try to do the right thing and then sometimes you just lose it. Well this was one of those mornings. I slept for a couple of hours last night and decided at 3:00 a.m to clean house. Anyhow I got the kids up at their regular time to go to school and for some reason we were getting a little behind. I hate yelling but after asking maybe 6 times to get ready ..I start yelling after that. My 6 year old son always just drags in the morning, so that started it all. Anyhow so like a dumbass I tell my daughter oh forget me making lunch today I will come there later and bring you Mcdonalds or something..then I had to change my mind and tell her lets just stop at the 7eleven and get you guys hotdogs instead because I have a doctors appointment. Well the face started to drag a little from her. We get into the store and she wants one of those breakfast sandwiches and a strawberry milk since we didnt have time for them to eat breakfast. Okay ...so we are like 5 minutes away from the school and she opens the strawberry milk. I tell her you should have just opened that for lunch and drank your water instead. We pull into the parking lot and I guess she wasnt paying attention and spilled the strawberry milk all over the floor in the passenger side of the car. I lost it. I started yelling like a crazy woman. Poor kid she looked like she wanted to cry. She got her things from the car and left. Mind you she is only 8 yrs old. I started driving away furious. Furious that W left me with the kids to go the big island to interview but when I called him last night he was bar b queing with his friends. Furious that when I walked his dog this morning he almost attacked another dog. The only thing that kept on going thru my mind was ' I am done.. I am done. Now I feel like a shit for yelling at A in the parking lot. She is such an angel out of all my kids. She is a honor roll student. She always does what she is told. She never talks back. One thing I realized out of all this is that the issues I have are not with her. They are with someone else and I have to deal with them my way. I just felt like I take one step forward and 2 steps back. I figured this whole Christmas thing is not that I hate it..Its really that everything in turned on me while he does absolutely nothing. I dont hate him . I just feel trapped and need to escape for a while so I can figure things out. The chief of police from the big island asked him what I was
going to do once we moved there and he told him "She doesnt know what she wants to do yet"? Yes I do ...I am going to medical school. He knows that but I can help but feel he is thinking he can somehow convince me that school should be on the backburner so he can get his crap together there. I am sorry ..if that is the case then I have to get out and get out fast. As for my 8 year old daughter.. I think I am going to go to Mcdonalds anyhow.