Wanting to be 6, 8 or 12 again.

Boy was this a busy weekend or what? It just seemed from like Thursday of last week there was things to do everyday. I got most of the shopping done. I didnt get any of the quilting done. Tomorrow my son comes home from bootcamp. I am excited. The kids are all excited. I think we are taking him out to eat. We have gone out to eat dinner in some way, shape or form since Wednesday. I need some home cooking. I have to still bake cookies but I think that will get done on Wednesday or Thursday. I still am not doing this Christmas thing well. Its just different than it has been in the past. I am not down anymore but I go and look at all the decorations and the lights and it just doesnt get to me the way it usually does. We have had so much happen this year. No need to dwell on it... it will just depress me. Anyhow I have thought soooo much about my life lately that my head hurts. Anyhow it hit me mostly the day of my 6 year old sons birthday party. The thing I do well and I mean really well and that makes me really happy is being a mother. I like hanging with my kids. I like teaching them new things and seeing things through their eyes. Santa Claus never excited me much as a kid other than I knew to go to bed early and there would be presents under the tree. My kids love to see him and talk to him at the mall. They like to dress up in their finest and go to mass on Christmas Eve. They like to watch Home Alone, and The Grinch like 5 times a day (you think I jest). They like to bake cookies and make a lopsided gingerbread house. For me for so long it just seemed like work. Maybe because I tried to make it prefect. Its not perfect. Its Christmas through their eyes. For the first time tomorrow we will go to the mall and I wont yell or scream at them to knock it off. We will finish shopping for G because he needs civilian clothes. I will tolerate another piece of pizza or a cheeseburger again because its about being with them now. They will only be 6 and 8 and 12 for this Christmas. For the older ones well they had their time and now they deal with real life choices. Drugs ..to do them or not. Paying bills or not. Trying to make boyfriends love them when they are not ready or not. Maybe this being a last Christmas at home before a possible deployment or not. Real life choices. I remember each one of the older ones wanting to hurry and grow up. Well they are there now and I am sure they all wish they were 6 or 8 or 12 again wanting to believe in Santa and wanting those moments to last forever. Even if the gingerbread house is lopsided.