blah ..blah ..blah .. blah ..blah

I just don't get ME sometimes. The boy just called from boot camp. He told me he was graduating and that he doesnt want us going all the way up there because he wont get to spend that much time with us. He is shipping out 2 hours after graduation to the Naval base at Gulfport Mississippi. He said he would have another graduation and it would be there at the end of March. I was thinking all this morning that I would just make my reservations for Tuesday and take a lot of pain meds with me and see him graduate and then come home on Saturday. I am glad he called to let me know its okay to not to go. I am still sad and cant help but crying. I hate that I have no control over what is happening to my female parts right now. I hate to be in pain. I wanted to go and should be there. Now I will probably be in some stupid hospital that day getting this shit cut out which should have been done the first time. I feel very helpless and vunerable. I just wish there would be someone who knows how I feel. Someone who gets me. I have people to talk to but I feel sometimes it just goes over their heads and it comes out like Blah ..blah ... blah. I love all my children but this one ..for some reason I just have some kind of bond with him that is like none of the others. I guess with my oldest daughter she was always so much like me when I was young..Invincible, Anger, and have the attitude that if you want it done you do it yourself. With the boy....it was that he always needing something. I guess when he doesnt need things is when the questions all go up. Anyhow I just talked to my husband and vented a little bit and of course somehow it sounded like Blah ...blah ...blah. He doesnt get it. I cant explain it. You just have to be a mother who would do anything for her children to understand. Sometimes I just wish I understood so it doesnt come out feeling and sounding like blah ..blah ..blah ..blah.