Last Holiday

Well today all I did was sleep. The pain just got unbearable today. I took the kids to school and laid down and pretty much knocked out. I did call my doctor thinking he would maybe schedule me for surgery instead of just seeing me for my preop on tuesday of next week. Nope ..he wants to see me first. I know he wants to poke and prod some more and make sure the ovary didn't burst. It didn't. Its still big and its still there. Anyhow I was in a state of boredom and pain and just depressed by the time I picked up the kids from school. I came home and took a shower and told them to get ready to go to the movies. We went to see Last Holiday. The movie where Queen Latifah is pretty much doing nothing with her life and hits her head at work. They do a CAT scan and find out she has lesions on her brain and she has like 3 weeks to live. She cashes out her money from the bank and does the things she has always wanted to do. Anyhow I won't ruin it for anyone but it really was a good movie with a very happy ending. It did get me thinking about life. Maybe it was the drugs I took earlier but I wondered if I would do the same thing. I believe I would but I think it just means we have to do what we want in our life now. Most of the stuff outside of traveling doesnt take much money to do and I need to really start living my life for me. I dont go and eat at places I really like because I know my husband wont go or the kids are picky. I love Greek or Morrocan food but because they wont go..I dont. I wont go to certain places I like ... like museums and art galleries because there is no one in my family who would enjoy it. Its no ones fault but my own. I have become this way over time..not really having much of an opinion on stuff like that because I never wanted to go by myself and being by myself is not something I like to be often. Well the way I look at it if I like it then I should do it. Like this movie for instance. My husband would never have gone ..there is no killing or something blowing up. My kids tried to direct me to a kiddie movie. Lord knows how many of those I have sat through and fallen asleep at to make them happy. I dont go to Mexican resturants because my kids dont eat it and there is only one dive my husband will go to that is hardly ever open.I dont even make it at home because no one will eat it and it will be thrown in the trash. I make some mean enchiladas. I LOVE Mexican food. The real authentic dives especially. The kind where the first language is Spanish. Where it doesnt cost $12.00 a plate. I think I will go somewhere I like tomorrow. Life is what we make it. Lately I just have been letting too many people make my decisions for me. My mother would take me to all kinds of places when I was a kid. She was a single parent but she would take me to Expostion park in Los Angeles where they have the Natural History Museum. I loved it. We would go for overnight drives or visit some place for a few days.San Francisco, Arizona, Palm Springs. She would rent a hotel room for us and we would go somewhere fun. We went to this indian reservation in Palm Springs once. I remember finding an arrowhead in the spring there. Its was like finding treasure for me. She wanted better for me so why dont I want better for me? I think I just got lost into "Whatever the kids or husband wants" syndrome. When I was single or divorced with kids I dragged my kids everywhere. older kids have some interesting stories of how I took them to the Greek festival and we all danced to the Greek music. I took them to the Indian Pow Wow here and danced with a Nez Perce tribe. I met a lot of interesting people and opened my kids into opening up themselves.For some reason I stopped all that. I did that when I was married in my first marriage too. Its almost like I just stopped living. Well there is a quilt show I want to go to this weekend and then there is the Martin Luther King day parade. I have never gone. Its mostly a parade where there are a lot of black church groups parading down Waikiki. I can hear him now if I ask him to go with me. I will get a smart ass answer from him.The kids will just deal or I will tell them they can stay home and we dont have to go anywhere. My husband is off on Sunday but has let me know already about football. That it is on all day on t.v. How is it he can do what he wants with no anxiety or guilt for doing what he wants to do? I think its about time life should be fun. Lord knows we have had our share of turmoil this past year alone. I have had my share. I dont have to wait before I am going to die to figure it all out.