MOODY DAYS from HELL

I go in the morning to have an ultrasound done, FINALLY. My side has been hurting way too much. I took some more pain meds because I needed to get through the day. They were making me grouchy though. Maybe is wasnt the pills, maybe it was just me. Its seems like everything was irritating me today. Everything my husband said just seemed to be attacks on me. They weren't but it felt that way. He jokes way too much and then when he gets carried away with it and I let him know that it bothers me..he tells me to suck it up and get over it. The latest joke was about my weight. He never says anything about it ever but deep down I know it bugs him. We got a new scale ..one of those ones that measure body fat. Anyhow he has been working out and since we got it he seems to be losing weight. I on the other hand have not been working out and have not been losing weight. Its a sensitive issue for me because this is the one thing I have not gotten control over. I eat when I am stressed and these past two days I noticed I have been eating just to eat. We went out before the USC and Texas game to buy fried chicken and sushi and I bought pumpkin pie. I dont eat it ...but he likes it. Anyhow I have a lot of fruit in my house and good healthy food but found myself just eating anything. Cookies and soda, some candy. I was even going to get me a pizza tonight and stopped myself. This is the most out of control I have been with my weight. If you see me you would probably say that I dont look like 204 lbs. I hide it well. I am 5'2 and I just feel ..well pregnant. I am not but thats how I carry myself lately. I used to work out religiously and was very muscular a few years back but I just got really depressed and made food a comforting friend. I just havent got the desire lately to pull my ass out of it and go and work out and eat better anymore. I dont like my body and when I run into people they are politely shocked. Weight was never an issue for me. I was always no more than 110-120 but with my last pregnancy I just let it all go to hell. I was soooooo miserable again and of late I find myself slipping back into my moods from hell. Its been a good 3 years that the weight keeps on going up by 10 lbs each year. I have clothes in my closet that are size 5 to a size 16, which I currently am right now. I need to find the motivation. I have really high blood pressure that I take meds for. I am not diabetic but I dont want to get to that point. I just need to find motivation again and not be so sensitive to jokes. I need to be commited to this eating well and working out or just commit myself to the insane ward. I wake up thinking about this and go to sleep thinking about this. I just need some motivation and soon.