Nov 16th It must be the full moon

I just havent been myself these past 2 days. I just feel out of sorts. Its not anything I can pinpoint...I just feel on edge. I think its probably the impendingness of doom ....Yes going back to work. I have been out with the knee reconstruction for 5 months now. I was hopeing to milk it until we actually had our house built. Nope not unless my job entailed me to run and be physical. It doesnt. If it did I would be out for 8 months. Damn now I wish I had that fireman position that I had applied for. Its just I have worked since I was 14 years old and I am 45 now ...you do the math. I never did not work or I went to school while working. Its been nice just being at home. Okay so I gained some weight...so what. I am home doing home stuff and running errands and doing homework. I guess dealing with bad things and crime daily makes you hardened. I like being away from it all. Sometimes you just need a break. I walked in work today to get my check and one of coworkers is retiring. Way to go Mary. I wish I could retire. I know ..I know. I worked hard to get the job I have but trust me there is nothing glamorous about it. Those crime shows C.S.I and C.S.I whereever make it all look so easy and clean. Its not. So who am I to complain. I just got another raise. I make more money than my parents did and I guess that was the point in going to school but like Oprah said ..FIND YOUR PASSION. I am not passionate about my job. Not at all. I know what I want to do but now at 45 I dont know if I have the stamina to do it. I have the ability to do it and it is to go to medical school. I would just have to audit some classes and take my MCATS to get in...okay audit a lot of classes. I did it before I got divorced the first time but at the time I needed to support my children. So lets do the math. Lets say I do get into medical school.. I would graduate at 50. Do my residency or attending ..depending on my specialty .. another 5 to 10 years. That would make me 60. Work unitil I see fit or as long as I could. Hey if Slyvester Stallone can make a Rocky (whatever # it is at 60) then maybe the possiblities are there. Most of my undergrad is completed already. I would just probably need to audit classes now. I have to find faith in myself to do it. I have always done things against the grain. Always. I think I will add talking to my advisor in school on my to do list. I feel that is my passion. I get so excited when I watch those shows like Women Doc or Trauma in the E.R. Its like I have been there and know I should be there. Damn its been so long since I was in school. I hope its like riding a bike..something you never forget.