Thank God its over

Damn I sound so pessimistic ..anyhow today was the big 4 5. Yep in five more years I will be a half century old. I always wonder about that number 50 only because it was the age my mother died. I suppose we tend to see if we will bypass our parents death when we hit their age. Anyhow we went to Walmart and got the kids early. It was only 1/2 day for them. We went to eat lunch and then thats when my husband became an asshole. All of sudden he wanted to go to the mall. I knew for what. You see every year its the same thing. He never gets me a card,flowers or gift before the day. His idea of a surprise is getting the thing with me there. Oh I could go in an other store and come back and he bought something for me. It gets old real quick. I so much want him to figure out how important I am and go to the store the day before and get me a card. Not when I am standing there. He does this my birthday, Xmas and anniversary. So I stopped him before it started. We got into a small argument but really who is in the wrong here. I wanted to yell " Hey jackass ..you had to go to your mothers last night, you been talking about the retirement party for your sargent since last week but you couldnt go to a 24 hr market on your way home and get me a card. So before I got into my bitch fest I just told him STOP. He didnt get me a cake either. So he decides to try to get into it at the mall telling me that he wanted to get me a ring and I could go pick it out. Yeah right. Lets see he is giving me a hard time about spending a couple of thousand on a trip back to my home town but he is going to buy me a diamond ring. I guess he thought he was going to spend a couple of hundred dollars and that was it. So then we came home and he decides to give me the silent treatment. I was calm though. I didnt blow and say what has been bothering me. Nope .. I just went about my business like I could care less. It hurts sure. I dont think I would be talking bout it if it didnt but I been putting up with all his family shit for years. His mother is a bitch. Yes I said it ..a bitch and you add his sister to the mix. I want no part of them and his kids are a doozy to boot too. Anyhow why do I stay with him? Good question. A big part is that we do have young children together and I would do anything for them. Yep sacrifice my happiness. For the most part I like Walt but he just doesnt get me anymore ...I dont think he ever has. He may have at one time but he let it die while I was always there waiting like a puppy. Now I guess I just dont care. We are cordial to each other but there is not much there besides that. The things that should be important are not to him. The things he comes home with I could care less. I dont care about his buddies at work. I dont care about the police department. I work there and I dont even like hearing the crap when I am there. Yes policemen gossip more then anyone I know. I dont want to hear about his family or his car. Other than that there is not much left. We go no where and when we do its always with other people. Never alone ever. Over the years I have just put up with it. I guess this is how affairs start. Not that I found anyone else .. I havent but I just bet if someone came along that gave me everything I needed ..it just wouldnt be hard to have one. I am that stupid catholic girl though. For better or worse. I really need a drink. I think I am going to Shellys this weekend to slug back a couple of margiritas. I sure need to.